I Have 1 Thing to do Therefore I Can’t do Anything Else
Hello again and welcome back to your safe place. Yes, I know in my last post I said I would try to make a post weekly … and here I am a few days later with a random burst of motivation. So, we are just going to roll with it and not question it. If this happens to you, just don’t question why you are randomly encouraged to start getting your shit together (it may be just for a few hours) but regardless … just go with the flow and don’t ask questions. Get your shit done bestie.
But that is not what we will be discussing today. Right now, I am having some anxiety from having to wait for maintenance to show up at my apartment. This might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people but let me quickly write down my thought process of this, so you really understand why anxiety sucks.
- Quick context before we get into this: This is a mandatory visit to replace some water heater batteries in all units, so basically, I have no way to run away from this and I have to deal with it
Firstly, I get told that they will show up today from 9am till 4pm. Ok perfect that’s the whole day. I first think to myself “well you have to for sure be up before 9am so they don’t catch you sleeping”. One thing I can tell you about myself is that I will never be caught in a vulnerable state. I hate to stand out, be talked about, embarrassed, or should I just basically say perceived. Some people would love a surprise birthday party, but me I would simply die. I would be too overwhelmed with how to show my emotions to others there. Like how surprised should I act? Do these people even like me? Am I smiling too much? Do I look dumb? And of course, my favorite reoccurring thought of them all … everyone is looking at me.
Ok so that was a small rant but back to my apartment story. I am up at 9am even though I am still soooo tired and basically falling asleep on my couch that I already live on (you should totally read my last post for more about that) They can show up from this time until 4pm and because I overthink everything, I am pretty sure I will be one of the last ones just based off of where I am located in the building. But you never know so you always have to be prepared. And by prepared I mean my apt is clean, anything that I deem to be embarrassing is stowed away (I am a kpop stan and I have some albums and posters on display and yes I know we should be proud of our hobbies or whatever but I am not about to have some random ass people in my apt and then see my posters)
Now that I am sitting here all prepared for them to show up … we wait and wait and wait and wait … omg we are still waiting. But did I do anything else today? Of course not! I am too busy overthinking everything that will happen once they do show up. Like will they think I am some young kid whose parents aren’t home? Some more context I should offer is that I look VERY young for my age. People are always telling me that I will appreciate it when I get older but as of now I feel like no one takes me seriously because I look like a 13 year old girl cosplaying as an adult.
- Fun Fact: As I was writing the paragraph above me I heard movement by my door so I had to stop typing and listen to the footsteps to see how many people were in the hallway and if it seemed like they had a cart or something which would then mean the maintenance people are here (it wasn’t them)
I will be overthinking everything before they get here and I will be thinking about every little detail I did or said into the night until I can’t sleep. Oh how I love living with raging anxiety
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It was nice to talk to you all again and if anyone one of you who is reading this experience anything similar or remotely similar to this, I want you to know that you are seen and understood. I know what you are going through.
- ananxietyriddengirl