I want to do things but I just can’t seem to get up

Well hello there, this is my first post to my hypothetical blog. I am saying hypothetical because I don’t even know if I will even finish this post or upload it. But anyways, I wanted to start a blog to vent and rant about my daily struggles living with severe social anxiety.

            So today I want to talk about how I just can’t seem to get my ass up from my couch and get shit done. This might be leaning more towards my depressed side, but I feel like a lot of people experience this issue. Right now, as I’m writing this, I am sitting on my couch feeling so down and bad about myself because today I wanted to be productive and clean my apartment and maybe organize some things. But here I am still sitting on my couch and I have yet to do anything. Yes, I am writing this article to for my hypothetical blog, but I am still sitting here.

            I am just going to say this now, this blog series is going to be very informal and more like friends talking to each other. Because to be honest, I can’t be bothered to go back and try to sound professional or whatever, this is just me ranting to a group of fellow minded people. I am also in no way shape or form a doctor or have any knowledge when it comes to diagnosing mental illnesses. I am just a girl with a plethora of mental illnesses and a computer… so with that being said, lets really get into this now.

            Back to where I left off, I am still sitting on my couch. And the feeling of being stuck somewhere sucks and almost makes me feel like time stops. Let me explain this a little better. But for me when I get in a “frozen state” (this is just what I call it) I get stuck in one place. I will get so overwhelmed with emotions or the situation around me that I will go find a quiet space to sit down on my own and I will just be stuck there for who knows how long. I can’t form a complete thought during this time, I just get so overwhelmed with emotions that I almost shut down. I can also admit that when it comes to fight or flight I am definitely a flight kinda person. But it takes me some time to calm down and be able to re enter society.

            This is a more extreme case for me, but a smaller version of this happens to me every day of my life and it is so exhausting. My daily routine involves me getting up from bed, which for some reason isn’t an issue for me most of the time. I then do the basic brush your teeth, wash your face, etc. I will then feed my cat who won’t stop screaming at me (jk I love you Bennie) make myself a coffee then after that… you guessed it… sit on my couch. I will then be sitting there for hours imagining all the things I will be doing that day. But in the end, I never left that couch. Then 4pm rolls around and I deem the day a loss and say it’s too late to do anything now anyways.

            I can imagine and see myself in my head the night before, telling myself that tomorrow will be different, but it never is. It can take me weeks to months to do the most basic thing. It sucks and it defiantly doesn’t help my underlying depression. Because then I start to feel like shit about myself. And of course, during those long hours of me on my couch I will be on social media comparing myself to everyone else, but that is an article for another time.

            I shall wrap this up now because this is getting a little depressing. Anywho, thank you hypothetical blog readers for reading and I hope you stick around for the next one …. Hopefully being uploaded weekly but I am making no promises because if you didn’t just read this article … then I don’t know what to tell you

-       ananxietyriddengirl