Ready for Changes but Not Knowing Where to Start
As you can tell by the title, I am ready for some change. As to how I am going to do that … I have no clue. I know what I want (kind of) I have a basic idea I should say. I know I am tired of being the shy one who never speaks up. I want my voice to be heard and I want to do and say as I please without fear of people’s reactions. Great so I know what I want … but what now?
Well I am starting to get an idea but even getting to this point took me some years. I have known for quite some time that I wanted to be known to a certain extent. I have always wanted to start a YouTube channel and make silly little videos, but I didn’t start doing that until I was in my twenties. It took me that long to figure out what I was comfortable with. Yes, there was some trial and error in those years and many deleted videos. I can say now that I am ok with people perceiving me to some point, it still keeps me up at night, but the difference is now I am trying to change my thinking patterns. To wrap this back to the point of this post, in order to make an actual change in your life you have to be willing to be embarrassed or change some parts of yourself that is harming you. For me that was me assuming people didn’t like me at first meeting and that I had to do whatever I could to have that person like me. I didn’t even have to like that person, I just wanted them to like me. My problem was that I was changing myself and my personality to fit with those people or to get their approval. But if I wanted to be that outspoken confident person, I had to stop doing this.
I have been working with my therapist on this but learning that in my childhood I was constantly changing myself to get my parents approval all while becoming someone I didn’t want to be was very eye opening. I just never got the chance to actually express myself in a safe environment. Being yourself shouldn’t be such a struggle, but unfortunately for some it is. But if your someone like me or has had a similar experience then I can tell you now that I have learned that not everyone has to like you. You’re just hurting yourself because in the end its impossible for everyone to like you. Even your parents, it’s not worth sacrificing your mental well-being for someone else’s insecurities. It unfortunately took me getting to a certain point in my life of no hope for me to realize this. I didn’t have a good mind set back then but it did allow me to finally just say “fuck it” and do what I want. This is not something that I recommend anyone who is reading this to do because it is also not a good mental state to be in.
I am writing this in hopes of guiding or helping someone who is like me and to help them achieve their dreams and goals without having to take 10 years. Learn from me and my experience’s, although I am still learning myself. Another big reoccurring thought I have is me constantly running out of time and that is something I still struggle with. I keep seeing these young successful people around me going out and doing things with no fear and becoming what I want to be. But I was too scared and always telling myself I couldn’t do that. I mean that is what I was told growing up, “you can’t do this your too weak”, “try this instead it might be easier”, and so on. I was always left behind, and it took me longer to do things, so I never felt I deserved any sort of spotlight or attention. But trust me those people are just as insecure or even more insecure than you. They are just very good at hiding it. Most people are too concerned about themselves and how others see them to even bother focusing on you. This is something I have been told but never really believed until now. I do still wish I came to this realization earlier in my life, but you know what, I did now, and I am not wasting any more time on waiting around, I am going to make my dreams a reality.
Now to wrap this up and bringing back the question “what now?” well now go out and do what you want to do! Go take those pictures you have been thinking about. Start your blog to write about your passions (take from my advice that it’s great). Make that video that’s been in your head for years. I am in this process myself so let’s do this together and make the most out of this life.
- airry